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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: an opening. I know not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?